To my husband:  It’s all fun and games until our son’s first words are “Wu Tang Clan’s ain’t nothin’ ta fuck wit.”

Him: “If I had to write a Wheel of Fortune puzzle about you, it would be RAILROAD TRACKS IN MY UNDERWEAR.”

Off my look…

Him: “It’s a ‘Before & After’ puzzle!”

#wheresmyvodka?

His cousin, 6, at Rosh Hashanah:  “I don’t like Jewish food.”

My husband:  “Okay, take it down a notch, Hitler.”

Me:  “If we won the lottery, would you keep working?”

Him:  “If by ‘working’ you mean sitting around all day in a diamond diaper, then yes.”

At least 40% of the time he’s telling me one of his work stories, I’m secretly worrying about my impending turkey neck.